Life changing words......

The words "you're pregnant" carry such a huge significance. A weight that I could never have understood until I heard them. I still tear up thinking about that day, those few moments in time when the world stood still and I felt the hand of God reach down into my heart.

Actually I had been ill due to some massive doses of fertility meds.....there is just nothing pretty about a grumpy, swollen, hormonal woman (ask my poor husband) but I digress.....I had been ill and had actually been to the doctor on a semi-emergency trip the day before (April 22nd). Dr. K examined and proceeded to tell me what problems and complications I was having and sent me home with some pain medicine and strict instruction to rest. Before I left his office he mentioned doing a blood test to make sure that I wasn't pregnant. I remember laughing at him and assuring him that I had already taken 2 tests at home not to mention I just thought the timing was off for the last cycle. In reality, I had made peace with the fact that pregnancy may or may not be possible for me - I had prayed and finally released over to God. In return, I was given a surreal sense of peace. You know that "peace that passes all understanding"? I willingly sat down in the chair and let the nurse dig around in my arm for a vein, then left. In fact, on the way home I called Rich and complained about having to get blood drawn again by the "mean nurse". I made it home, Rich got my prescription and I camped out on the couch for the evening. I had already prepared myself for our last round of fertility drugs so I honestly didn't think twice about the blood test.

The next morning I drug myself out of bed and to work. I felt awful but there was no reason to feel awful at home - at least at work I could get something done. I finally decided to head out to pick up some lunch and I wasn't in my car for 5 minutes when the phone rang. I contemplated not answering it because I knew it was the Dr.'s office - I didn't need one more thing to make me feel icky. The phone continued to ring and I rummaged through my purse to find it. I answered the phone having no idea that my whole life would change instantly......the nurse said "you're pregnant" and I didn't believe her. I kept telling her that she was wrong and was she sure and this isn't funny. Eventually she was able to convince that fertility doctors don't usually call their patients and pull horrible April Fool's jokes like that - I was shocked and hysterical all at the same time. I was crying uncontrollably and pulled my car over so that I could Rich at work. I wish that I had some great romantic story to tell about how I told him but I pretty much just blurted it out (through hysterical sobs of course).

Those were the most magical minutes of my life. Even now I am amazed at how I instantly fell in love with this jellybean. I had no idea that you could be so in love with someone that you never even knew existed. I feel so blessed that my struggle through infertility has ended and I am able to experience the joys of pregnancy and motherhood.